Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
