i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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