i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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