Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
