I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
