Moan for me like Helen Keller
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
