I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
