3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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