do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
