so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
