someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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