dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
