She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
