I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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