I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
