i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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