I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
