I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
