i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
