Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
