The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
