it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
