Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
