Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
