We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
