Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
