Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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