she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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