The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
