Well douche your snatch and let's go!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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