actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
