I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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