I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
