I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
