No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
