I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
