I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
