I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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