May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
