when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want nice things and good sex
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
