I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
