Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
