I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
