This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
