just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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