just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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