when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
