what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
