im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
