I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
